


You're My Favorite Place

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Doctor Who References, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Jealous Josh Russo, Kissing, Light Angst, Living Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Buckley Parents, Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, Soft Josh Russo, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26590096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: It starts with Buck showing up at Josh's apartment one night and asking him to be his fake boyfriend. It's crazy, Josh knows. And yet he finds himself agreeing. It only gets more complicated from there. Especially when Josh realizes he's starting to develop feelings for Buck.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Josh Russo
Comments: 29
Kudos: 117





	You're My Favorite Place

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ithinkwehaveanemergency](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithinkwehaveanemergency/gifts).



> When this thing started I was sure it would be maybe 5k at most. Here we are almost 15K and a whole lot of pining later.
> 
> Title comes from the song [Favorite Place](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dr27fyqc0o) by All TIme Low (feat. The Band CAMINO)

Josh isn't sure what he's expecting when he opens the door to his apartment. Maybe the take out he ordered almost an hour ago that is now 20 minutes late. Or his next door neighbor with another batch of cookies or muffins that she's been giving him ever since she took up baking two weeks ago. 

Whatever it is, it certainly wasn't to see a flustered Evan Buckley standing outside his door. 

"Buck? What are you..?"

Josh doesn't have a chance to finish his question before Buck is striding past him onto the apartment. "I need your help."

"Please, do come in," Josh says dryly, as he closes the door and turns to face Buck. 

Buck winces and shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "Sorry. I just…"

"Need help?"

"Yeah."

"With what exactly?" Josh wonders what could have brought him here instead of to one of his friends, or even to Maddie. He gets the answer to the last one fairly quickly. 

"I need to prove to Maddie I'm not a lost cause when it comes to dating."

Josh laughs at that. "Oh, I think you've come to the wrong person for that. In case you haven't noticed, I don't have the best luck with dating."

"That's why you're perfect!" Buck says enthusiastically.

"I still feel like I'm missing something here," Josh says. 

"Maddie thinks we're both perpetually single. So we prove her wrong by dating each other."

"If this is your way of asking me out it needs improvement."

"No, look. We don't actually have to date. Maddie just has to think we are."

"You want to lie to your sister, who is also my best friend, and tell her we're dating?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I want. Though it's not really lying. It's just pretending."

"I think I'm going to need a drink," Josh says. He strides past Buck into the kitchen and grabs his favorite bottle of wine and a large glass. He pours himself one, downs half of it, and pours some more.

"Why is it so important that we do this?"

"I'm tired of everyone looking at me like I'm hopeless," Buck says, taking a seat at the bar. He smiles his thanks when Josh hands him a beer. "Dating is hard, man. You know that. It's stilted and awkward. Sometimes I wish I could just skip all that nonsense. Maybe one day I'll find someone that I don't feel like I have to put on a show with, but for now I just want Maddie off my back."

Josh nods and takes another drink, if only to give himself time to think. He gets it. He does. There are always so many exceptions when it comes to dating, and sometimes he doesn't feel like he can be himself. So he understands where Buck is coming from. 

He's not sure if it's the wine or his soft heart that's to blame for the answer he gives Buck. 

"I'll do it."

Buck beams at him and Josh can't help but smile back. What could possibly go wrong?

* * *

They spend most of the night going over the details. Josh never realized how many little things went on in a relationship until he was sitting down with a list in front of him of their do’s and don’ts, Buck’s likes and dislikes in case anyone decided to question him, and all the little details about their relationship.

Buck has his own list, of course. One that Josh wound up writing for him when he saw how helpless Buck was at keeping it organized on his own.

Josh is worried that after all the thought they’ve put into it that it’s all going to feel forced and uncomfortable and that Maddie will see right through them.

He has to tell himself to relax when he walks into work two days later. He needs to act normal, otherwise Maddie will immediately know something is up. It’s going to be hard enough to be under her questioning eyes when she starts inquiring about him and Buck. Because she will. There’s no way she’s not going to have questions about her best friend dating her brother. 

She’s standing in the break room when he walks in. Though rather than her normal cheerful greeting, she sticks her head up and looks away from him. 

“Morning,” he says. He moves to the coffee machine and grabs a cup. He’s going to need the caffeine if he’s going to survive today.

She doesn’t say anything. She just huffs and strides past him towards the door. Josh raises an eyebrow.

“Something wrong?”

“Oh nothing,” she says. “I just don’t say hello to liars.”

“Liars?” Josh says. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Buck,” she says, swatting at his chest. “When were you going to tell me you were dating my brother?”

Ah so Buck had told her last night at dinner. He’d said he was going to but had never texted Josh about how it went. Clearly not well if Maddie’s demeanor is anything to go by.

“We were keeping it to ourselves for a while,” Josh says, telling her the carefully planned cover. “Until we were more comfortable with each other. We didn’t want to make a big deal of it in case it didn’t work out.”

“I can understand that,” Maddie says, pouting. “But I’m still your best friend. I want to know these things.”

“And Buck is your brother,” he says. “We didn’t want to put you in the middle of it just yet.”

“Until you knew it was serious,” she says. “I get it. I just… I’ve been nagging at Buck for weeks about dating someone. It would have been nice to know he already was.”

_He wasn’t_ , Josh thinks. Out loud he says. “I know you just want him to be happy.”

“I want both of you to be happy,” Maddie tells him. “You deserve it.”

“I am happy,” Josh tells her. “And it does feel better now that it’s out there.”

“Good,” she says. “Because now we can go on double dates.”

“What?”

“Oh come on! You and Buck, me and Chim. It’ll be so much fun!”

Josh smiles, hoping it doesn’t look forced. “Sounds great.”

It sounds like hell. It sounds like having to spend hours with his best friend and her boyfriend, having to pretend to be a blissful committed relationship with her brother. He knew in theory what it would entail, but the reality of it is something else. 

He's beyond stressed himself out about it by the time his shift is over and he gets to go home. He's so in his head that he almost jumps when he steps off the elevator and sees Buck standing outside his apartment. 

"Buck!"

"Why do you look so surprised to see me?" Buck asks, stepping aside so Josh can unlock the door. "We did have plans tonight, right?"

They did. Josh had just forgotten with all the stress of the day. "Yeah of course." Josh walks into the apartment and drops his keys into the bowl by the door before toeing off his shoes. "Sorry, it's just been a long day."

"Want to talk about it?" Buck asks. He follows Josh into the kitchen, and leans against the counter, watching as Josh starts grabbing plates for the take out Buck brought with him. Thank god. Because Josh hadn't been looking forward to cooking. 

"It's your sister," Josh tells him. "You could have given me a heads up you'd told her, by the way."

"You knew I was going to," Buck says.

"Yes, but I didn't know you had, or how it went," Josh says. "So I was completely blindsided when I walked into work this morning."

Buck winces as he takes the plate Josh hands him, "Sorry. I was just so tired that I passed out after I got home."

"Still not sleeping well?" Josh asks him. He knows Buck's been having trouble with it. Not that Josh can blame him after all the stuff he's been through. He's had trouble himself after the call center takeover. It's been months, and he's just now starting to get back to normal. 

"Some nights are better than others," Buck admits, spooning some rice into his plate. 

Josh nods. "Yeah I get that."

"I know you do." Buck's eyes are far too understanding as they look his way. "I am sorry about Maddie. I hope she wasn't too hard on you."

"More upset that I'd been keeping it from her," Josh says. "Which I explained was because we wanted some time to get used to each other."

Buck laughs and knocks their shoulders together, "Oh I think we're plenty used to each other."

There's a mischievous look in his eyes that has Josh's face heating up and his heart racing. What the hell? He's not supposed to feel that around Buck. Buck is his friend. His best friend's brother. He doesn't get all flustered around him like he… like he...

Shit.

No. No. Bad Josh. Time to take a hard, sharp turn away from those thoughts. Because those thoughts are dangerous and lead to pain and heartbreak. Like this very well could if he keeps it going. He should tell Buck it's a mistake and put a stop to it before either of them gets in too deep. Or well, he does. Buck's going to be fine. It's not as if he's going to ever fall for Josh. That's why he was such an obvious choice for this. And that stings a bit. 

Josh looks away and focuses his attention on his food. Or he tries to. It's hard with Buck still sitting so close. 

He knows it's so they can get used to each other. So they'll be more comfortable at pretending when they're around other people. 

Josh is comfortable around Buck. Maybe a little too comfortable if his recent revelation is anything to go by. 

Hell, Buck is the person he's spent the most time around outside of work besides Maddie. It was easy then because Buck had only been a friend. He still is. Josh's traitorous mind and body have just decided to take note about things about Buck. Things that Josh likes. 

Like the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, or how he loves to bake, or sings to himself when he cooks. How he loves with his whole being. And god Josh would give anything to be someone Buck could love.

"Everything alright?" Buck asks, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

Josh clears his throat and takes a sip of his wine. More for something to do as he figures out how to respond. The smart thing to do would be to tell Buck they need to stop this. Sure, Maddie would give them hell, but they'd be fine. And then Buck could go off and find the real person he'd supposed to be with. 

That thought has Josh's chest aching. He's known that's what the end game was here. Get Maddie off his back about dating until he's ready to get back out there. But it sits differently with him now. Fills him with a longing to be that person, and a jealousy towards someone that doesn't even exist. Not yet 

“I’m fine,” Josh says. “Just been a long day.”

Buck frowns and drops his fork. He stands up, and Josh expects him to go grab a beer from the fridge, as he always does. But not tonight. Tonight he’s stuck to water. Maybe Josh had too. Maybe then his brain wouldn’t be betraying him so much.

Josh jumps when Buck’s hands land on his shoulders. “What are you doing?”

Buck chuckles and leans in close to his ear, “You’re tense. You need to relax.”

It’s pretty hard to relax with the way Buck is touching him. It has every nerve in his body awake and on the alert. Buck then Buck’s hands dig into his shoulders and Josh can’t help it, he groans. Buck does it again, and Josh bites his lip to stop any further embarrassing sounds from escaping him. 

Somewhere along the way, his head falls back against Buck’s chest and he closes his eyes. “Where did you learn to do this?”

“Took a few classes,” Buck says. “It never stuck.”

“Well you’re certainly good at it,” Josh says.

“Thank you,” Buck says. “I like making people feel better. I just needed something more…”

“Risky,” Josh says, peeking an eye open to glance up at him. “Dangerous? Heroic?”

Buck grins, “Impactful. I needed to feel like what I was doing had a purpose.”

“Well it certainly feels like this has a purpose,” Josh mutters.

Buck smirks, and digs his fingers in hard, making Josh gasp. “Oh yeah? What sort of purpose?”

Josh really needed to shut up _right now_. Before he says anything else that could make a full out himself. “You have magic hands,” Josh tells him. “I haven’t felt this relaxed in a long time.”

“Are you sure it’s not the wine?” Buck teases.

Josh huffs out a laugh, “Could be. But you definitely have something to do with it.”

“Me or my hands?”

“Both,” Josh says easily. And that’s not necessarily true considering his internal crisis over his growing attraction to Buck had caused him to be this stressed. But on a normal day being around Buck is easy. It helps take his mind off everything else in his life.

“Well then it’s a good thing you’re going to be seeing so much of me,” Buck tells him. He leans down again, his lips barely ghosting across Josh’s ear as he speaks. “Boyfriend.”

Josh shivers. He can’t help it. Hearing Buck say that one simple word, so low and inviting, along with his hands, now gliding their way down Josh’s back, not really massaging, just touching, it’s hard not to react. Especially not when he places a soft, lingering kiss just below his ear before his hands fall away and he steps back. 

Josh takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself. He needs to get a grip. 

“I should go,” Buck says. “You need to get some rest. But I’m off on Friday?”

Josh nods, “Me too.”

“Maybe we could hang out?” Buck suggests. “Watch a movie?”

“Sounds great,” Josh says. He rises to his feet and follows Buck to the door. “Though I’d be expecting a call from Maddie. She wants us to double date with her and Chimney.”

Buck groans, “Man. I knew this was coming but still. I thought we’d have more time.”

“Your sister is very persistent,” Josh says.

Buck laughs, “Believe me, I know.”

“I’ll see you Friday,” Buck says. “Get some sleep.”

Josh mock salutes, “Yes sir.”

“I mean it,” Buck says, pointing a threatening finger at him as he backs towards the elevator. “Sleep, or I might have to come tuck you in myself and make sure you do.”

“I’m going to sleep,” Josh tells him.

“Pity, I would have looked forward to that.”

He winks and then spins on his heel and strides confidently into the elevator. The last he sees of Buck that night he’s grinning at him as the door closes. Josh thinks of that smile as he cleans up the kitchen and puts the leftovers away. He at least has something for lunch tomorrow.

The smile and the wink and Buck’s hands haunt him that night as he tries to sleep. Even in his dreams, they’re there, though in a way they definitely should not be. Josh wakes up even more conflicted than he went to sleep. At least before it had been innocent thoughts, but those dreams had been anything but innocent. 

He’s just glad he doesn’t have to see Buck today. He doesn’t know how he’d looked him in the eye after dreams like that. 

No, he has a few days. He can get his head on straight and recover. He’ll be fine and back to normal by the time he sees Buck on Friday. He has to be.

* * *

For the next few days everything does seem to be under control. He talks to Buck a lot throughout the day, which is normal for them. Buck has been texting Josh random facts and memes for months now. It’s nice to know that’s not just going to stop. He’s able to almost ignore the little flutter in his chest every time he sees Buck’s name appear on his screen. And Jesus, how long has that been happening? Has it been going on for a while and he just never noticed? 

“God you really are a lovesick fool,” Maddie says from across him.

Josh looks up from his phone, “Excuse me?”

“You,” Maddie says, gesturing over at him. “You’re completely besotted. I always wondered what had you smiling at your phone so much, and now I know why.”

That answers his question, Josh supposes. He apparently has been completely oblivious to his feelings for Buck. Just great. If he’d caught on sooner he never would have gotten himself wrapped up in this mess. He would have been able to be smart enough to realize that fake dating the man he likes wasn’t going to end well. At least not for him.

But here they are. He can’t just back out now. Maddie would never let them hear the end of it. And he doesn’t want to disappoint Buck.

“What can I say?” Josh says. “Your brother just has that effect on me.”

Maddie shakes her head, “Clearly. Though, that feeling is mutual.”

“It is?” Josh asks, before he can stop himself. “I just… I never knew he felt that way until well…”

Maddie laughs, “Oh believe me. Buck is just as hopelessly besotted as you are. I’m talking actual heart eyes.”

Josh knows that’s probably just Buck putting on a good act. There’s no way he gets heart eyes when he thinks about Josh. That’s ridiculous. It’s just a way to keep Maddie off their backs. That’s it. That’s all he lets himself think it can be. He can’t get his hopes up here. That will only lead to further heartbreak when this is all over.

His talk with Maddie somehow makes Josh even more of a nervous wreck. Especially knowing that his feelings have apparently been written over his face this whole time. He has to be more careful. Especially around Buck. He can’t have him catching on. That would only make things awkward. He’s not going to risk losing a friend just because his heart apparently decided to betray him a long time ago. 

“Hey,” Buck says. He opens the door to his apartment with a grin. “You’re early.”

“Oh my god, am I?” Josh says. “I can leave.”

Buck laughs and steps back to let him in. “Dude it’s only a few minutes. I’m not going to make you leave just to come back.”

“Right,” Josh says. “Of course.” He holds up the bag he’s carrying. “I brought drinks.”

“Beer?” Buck asks.

“Of course,” Josh says. He sets the bag down on the counter and pulls out the item in question. “Your favorite.”

“You really are the best boyfriend,” Buck says.

Josh’s stomach flutters at that. _I could be_ , Josh thinks, and quickly pushes the thought away. He cannot go there.

“You truly are lucky to have me,” Josh says, keeping his tone teasing.

“Don’t I know it,” Buck says. He turns back to the stove. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Okay, so what do we need?” Josh asks.

“Get the plates and forks,” Buck says. “That should do it. We’ll load up here and go watch a movie in the living room.”

They get their food and head into the living room. Buck balances his plate on his knee, and Josh watches as it sways slightly as he reaches for the remote on the table. As it’s about to fall, he reaches over, steadying it. Josh looks from the plate to Josh with wide eyes. “Saved the day again.”

“I just had a feeling,” Josh says.

“What can I say?” Buck says with a grin. “I like to live dangerously.”

“Clearly, or you would have chosen a different profession,” Josh replies dryly.

Buck laughs, “That’s for sure.”

Josh is a little surprised when he notices Buck has pulled Doctor Who up on the screen. “I thought you didn’t like sci-fi?”

Buck shrugs, “You kept talking about how awesome it was and how much you loved, so I thought we could watch it together.”

“Okay, but I demand we start with Ecclestone,” Josh says. “And we’re watching the whole season before you can make any real judgements.”

“Deal,” Buck says. “I guess that means you’ll have to come over more often.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, because I’m only watching this with you,” Buck says. “It can be our thing.”

Their thing. Josh likes the idea of having a thing with Buck. He also can’t say he’s opposed to the idea of watching Doctor Who with Buck and getting to see his reactions to everything for the first time. He knows he’s going to love it if he gives it a chance. 

And he does. Buck gets so into it that he can’t tear himself away. They only stop long enough to put the dishes in the dishwasher, grab more drinks or snacks, or take quick bathroom breaks. When it’s getting late, Buck drags Josh upstairs to his room and turns it on up there.

“Don’t you dare fall asleep,” Buck says, his eyes still glued to the screen as he hits play on another episode. They’re nearing the end of the first season. Surely, he’ll want to stop there.

“Buck, it’s almost 3 a.m.,” Josh grumbles. “And if you wanted me to stay awake you shouldn’t have brought me up to this comfortable ass bed.”

Buck waves him off, “Shh it’s starting.”

Josh sighs and does his best to stay awake. His eyes are getting heavy, but he is kind of invested. Even though he’s seen the episodes dozens of times, it’s different watching with Buck. At one point he sits straight up in bed and gasps, and Josh smiles sleepily as he watches him. 

“What the heck?” Buck says, when the credits start to roll on the end of season one. “Josh! What was that? What just happened? How did he change his face?”

Josh chuckles and tugs on Buck’s arm until he’s laying down. “All will be revealed.”

“I need to know now,” Buck says.

“You need sleep,” Josh says. “And then more tomorrow.”

“Promise?” Buck asks.

“We’re both off tomorrow,” Josh says. “But I do need some sleep or else the monster will awake.”

Buck laughs, “Well we can’t have that.” He yawns and snuggles deeper into the blankets. Josh is on the edges of sleep when Buck speaks again, his voice barely above a whisper. “Thanks for staying with me.”

“Oh course,” Josh mumbles back. “What are boyfriends for?”

He’s not really thinking over the words. He’s barely away and his brain isn’t functioning after hours of watching Doctor Who. It seems like a good thing to say. 

And from the way Buck sighs in contentment and murmurs out a soft, “You’re the best boyfriend.” he’s sure it was the perfect thing to say. Especially if Buck agrees.

* * *

He wakes up feeling warm and comfortable, even with the unusual weight on his chest. He doesn’t mind it. It takes his brain a moment to wake up and wonder just _why_ there’s something on his chest. He peeks an eye open and looks down and his eyes widen. 

The weight is Buck.

Somehow when they were asleep they both shifted to the middle of the bed and Buck… Buck is laying sprawled across him with his head on Josh’s chest. He’s still sleeping soundly. That much is obvious. Which means Josh is in an impossible situation. He can’t move, not unless he wants to wake Buck up, and after their late night he’s not really looking forward to that. 

But can he stay here like this? Is that the right thing to do? He’s not sure anymore. Sure, they’ve sat pressed together on the couch before, even cuddled some nights. Buck’s just a tactile person. That’s just who he is. But this is different. They’re in Buck’s bed. Is Josh somehow taking advantage of the situation?

“Can you stop thinking and go back to sleep?”

Josh blinks. Apparently Buck wasn’t as asleep as Josh originally thought.

“What?”

“Go back to sleep,” Buck mumbles. “It’s too early. You’re comfortable. I’m not moving.” He looks up at Josh, his brow pinched. “Unless you want me to.”

And God Josh really doesn’t want him to. He wants him to stay like this. He’d happily wake up like this every morning if he could. Buck must take his lack of answer as a sign Josh doesn’t want him there, because his frown deepens and he starts to shift. Josh’s arms move before he can think it though and he keeps him close.

“You’re good,” Josh tells him.

“Yeah?”

Josh nods, and on instinct runs a hand through Buck’s hair, watching as a soft smile spreads across his lips and his eyes flutter. “Yeah. This is good.”

Buck sighs and snuggles in closer, “Good, because I like cuddling with you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you give the best cuddles.” Josh is sure he must still be somewhat out of it. His point is proven when he yawns. “I’m going back to sleep. You should too.”

Josh glances at the clock on the table to see it’s only 8 a.m. They barely slept four hours. Sleep is definitely a good idea. “When we get up I’ll make you breakfast,” Buck tells. “Or maybe lunch. Brunch.”

Josh chuckles, “Sounds perfect.”

“Good,” Buck mumbles. “Now sleep.”

Josh doesn’t expect it to be easy to drift back off. He usually struggles with it when he randomly wakes up, no matter how little he’s slept. And yet, when he closes his eyes it doesn’t take long for sleep to claim him.

The next time he makes up, something is moving. No. Not something. Someone. He peeks an eye open to see Buck looking down at him. “What are you doing?”

“Bathroom,” Buck says. “But umm…”

“What?”

“Well I kind of need you to let go,” Buck says. Josh gets distracted, watching as a light dusting of pink spreads across Buck’s cheeks. Then his words register and his eyes widen, looking down. Sure enough, his arms are still wrapped around Buck’s waist. He clears his throats and drops them, releasing Buck. “Sorry.”

Buck chuckles and sits up, “Don’t be. I wouldn’t want to let you go either if I didn’t have to.”

He winks and saunters into the bathroom. Josh watches him go, his head playing Buck’s words over and over in his head. He wouldn’t want to let him go? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

“You could go get the pancake mix out,” Buck calls from the bathroom. “And the eggs!”

“Got it,” Josh calls back. It’s a good excuse to get out of bed, and will give him something to do to stop himself from thinking. Or well, overthinking. How can he not after everything that’s been happening? It’s only logical right? He wakes up with Buck sprawled across him and Buck says he wouldn’t want to let him go if he didn’t have to.

“Okay,” he mutters to himself as he opens the pantry and gets out the pancakes. “Stop thinking and focus.”

“What are you doing?” Buck asks, amusement in his voice.

Josh spins around to face him, sending pancake mix flying out of the box. It lands all over him and the floor. “Shit.”

Buck laughs and steps closer, “Why do you look like I just caught you red handed doing something you weren’t supposed to?”

“I wasn’t,” Josh says quickly. Too quickly if the raised eyebrow Buck gives him is anything to go by. “I was just talking to myself.”

“I heard,” Buck says. He steps closer and Josh holds his breath. “Sounded like you were giving yourself a pep talk.”

“Yeah umm… I was just telling myself to focus on getting everything out,” Josh says.

“Then why’d you jump when I came into the room?”

“Because that’s a completely normal reaction to have when someone sneaks up on you announced,” Josh says.

Buck grins, “I scared you?”

“You startled me.”

“You seem nervous,” Buck says, studying his face.

“What? No. Why would I be nervous?”

“I don’t know,” Buck says. “You tell me.”

“I’m just hungry,” Josh says. Because like hell can he tell Buck the _real_ reason he was nervous. 

“Hunger makes you nervous?” Buck questions.

“Hunger makes people feel all sorts of things,” Josh says. “You’ve seen the snickers commercials.”

Buck snorts, “Is that your way of telling me you need a snickers?”

“No, that’s my way of saying I need pancakes.”

Buck steps closer and reaches out. For a moment, Josh thinks he’s going for the box. But instead he slowly swipes his finger across Josh’s cheek. Josh really does stop breathing for a moment there. How could he not? Especially when Buck pops his finger into his mouth and… Josh really needs to turn away. If not he’s going to make a fool of himself and do something crazy like pull Buck in and replace his finger with his tongue. 

_That_ would not be the smart thing to do. 

“Seems like you already have your pancakes,” Buck smirks. “Though…”

“What?” Josh asks, hating how breathless he sounds. Hopefully Buck won’t notice. 

Buck steps even closer, he chest pressing against Josh’s. What is he doing? Is he…?

“I think you could use some sugar,” Buck says. 

“Are you…?” Josh doesn’t get to finish the question before Buck’s hand briefly comes into view and then he feels something sprinkling on his head. “Did you just put sugar on me?”

Buck laughs, “Maybe.”

“Are you going to lick that up too?”

Josh really has no idea where the question comes from. Okay, he _does_. But he doesn’t know what makes him say. Buck doesn’t pull away though. If anything, he presses impossibly closer and leans in, breathing across his ear. Josh can’t suppress a shiver. “If you want me to,” Buck whispers, voice low and husky. 

Josh really has to be dreaming. There’s no way he’s standing in Buck’s kitchen with Buck offering to lick sugar off him. He doesn’t even know what to say. Words have failed him. He thinks he manages a nod of his head because he can feel Buck smirking against his ear. And then… Oh god. He really is going to die here. Because that’s Buck’s tongue licking across his cheek and down to his chin. 

“Do you think I got it all?” Buck asks him.

Here they are, at a crossroads. If he says yes, he knows Buck will step back and they’ll carry on like normal. It’ll have just been a game. No harm done. But if he says no, they’ll cross a line. And as much as Josh wants to. As much as he’d like to give into this thing, he’s terrified. Because he knows what it means to him. He likes Buck. A lot. The more time he spends with him, the deeper he gets. But he doesn’t know how Buck feels. And that makes him hesitate. He doesn’t if his heart could handle falling into bed with Buck and then finding out that’s all it is. As amazing as he knows the sex would be, he’s sure if that would be worth losing his friend.

He swallows and Buck’s eyes drift down, watching the movement, before drifting up to meet his. There’s a question in them. Josh knows Buck isn’t going to move forward without Josh’s explicit permission. 

Thankfully, he’s saved from having to make a decision by Buck’s phone ringing. He groans and rests his head on Josh’s shoulder for a moment, before stepping back. 

“There’s only one person that would call me this early on my day off,” Buck mutters.

“Buck, it’s almost noon,” Josh laughs.

Buck shrugs, “We didn’t go to bed until almost 4, remember?”

“Oh yes I do,” Josh says. “You were so enthralled in Doctor Who you wouldn’t go to sleep.”

Buck smiles and answers the phone. He doesn’t bring it to his ear yet, and instead addresses Josh in a whisper. “That’s your fault.” He’s still grinning when he brings the phone to his ear. “Hey Mads. Oh I was just talking to Josh. Yeah he stayed over last night and let me tell you, we were up _all_ night.” He winks and Josh shakes his head. “We’re just about to have breakfast. Yes I know it’s almost lunch time, but my man wants pancakes, and he gets what he wants. Uhh dinner?” He lowers the one to his chest and addresses Josh again. “She wants us all to have dinner.”

“Will you be able to tear yourself away from Doctor Who?” Josh teases.

Buck laughs and swats at him with his free hand. “Shut up. I can. Besides, we can just watch it after. So dinner?”

The fact that Buck just expects Josh to come home with him after dinner isn’t lost on him. He nods. “Sure.”

Buck talks for a few more minutes and Josh busies himself with getting the eggs. He knows Buck will want to do the pancakes, so he leaves that to him. He does at least mix the batter though. When Buck hangs up, he joins him at the stove. He looks at the batter and smiles. “You got it started?”

Josh shrugs, “Yeah. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t,” Buck says. “That’s sweet, and less for me to do.”

They chat easily as they make brunch and then head into the living room to eat it. Buck sits pressed close, his warmth seeming to radiate from his body to Josh’s. Even then it doesn’t seem close enough. He thinks of how he woke up this morning and how at home he’d felt in Buck’s arms. But he doesn’t know how to ask for that.

Apparently, he doesn’t have to. As soon as they’re both done eating, Buck lays down on the couch and opens his arms. “Come here.”

Josh raises an eyebrow, “What?”

“Come here,” Buck says again. “And don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy cuddling. We both know you did.”

Josh rolls his eyes, but still crawls across the couch until he’s half laying on Buck with his back against the couch. Buck’s arms settle over him and he relaxes. 

“This is good practice,” Josh says.

Buck snorts, “Practice, yeah. We have to make it believable.”

Josh looks up at him, “She is going to buy it, right?”

“Of course she is,” Buck says. “We’re adorable together.”

They spend the rest of the day on the couch watching Doctor Who. Buck immediately falls in love with David Tenant’s Doctor as Josh knew he would. Josh almost has to pull him away when it gets closer to time that Maddie and Chimney are going to show up.

“But we can get one more episode in,” Buck pouts.

“Yeah but you still need to get ready,” Josh tells him. “And we have to figure out what we’re having for dinner.”

“Maddie’s bringing food,” Buck tells him. “She’s picking it up on the way. And I can change real fast and then we can start the next episode.”

“I do need to shower,” Josh tells him. He looks down at his wrinkled clothes. “I really should have brought more clothes.”

“So wear something of mine,” Buck says. “I’m sure there’s something that’ll fit you.”

“You can start the next episode without me,” Josh tells him. “As long as you get up and get dressed before Maddie gets here.”

“Yeah yeah of course,” Buck mumbles, already hitting play.

Josh fondly shakes his head and makes his way upstairs. He grabs a towel and washcloth and then steps into the bathroom. He tries not to think about the fact that he’s using Buck’s shampoo and body wash as he showers and is going to wind up smelling like him. That’s a dangerous path to go down. 

It’s not until he’s finished and stepped out of the shower to dry off that he realizes he forgot to grab something to wear. He peeks his head out the door and finds the room still empty, so he steps out, towel wrapped tightly around his waist. He goes to Buck’s dresser and looks for a pair of pants that are close to his size. He finds one, although he knows they’ll be a little long given how much Buck towers over him. Then he moves to the closet and starts looking through the shirts. 

“Oh shit!”

Josh startles, almost jumping out of his skin at the sound of Buck’s voice and he spins around. He loses his grip on the towel and it starts to slide away. He grapples with it for a few long seconds, before finally getting it back in place. But apparently it hadn’t been fast enough if the shell shocked expression on Buck’s face is anything to go by.

“Buck?”

Buck strides across the room so fast that Josh barely has time to register what’s happening. Not until his back is pressed against the wall and Buck is leaning into him. His face is pressed against Josh’s neck as he moves the shirts behind him. The universe must really hate him today if it insists on putting him in these ridiculous situations.

“You smell like me,” Buck murmurs against his ear.

“I used your shampoo and body wash,” Josh whispers.

Buck runs his nose along Buck’s neck and Josh inhales sharply. “I like it.”

“Well it is yours,” Josh says, trying to keep his head.

“It smells better on you,” Buck says. He pulls back with a grin and holds out a shirt. It’s a deep blue button up. “And this will definitely look better on you.”

“I don’t know about that,” Josh says.

“Trust me,” Buck says. “It will.”

He lays the shirt on Josh’s shoulder, grabs another shirt from the closet, and steps back. Josh stands frozen as he takes off the shirt he was wearing and slips the new one on. As if feeling his gaze, he looks over at Josh. “Well?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you going to get dressed?” Buck asks him. “I mean, the towel IS a good look, but Maddie’s going to be here any moment and I’m not sure she’ll appreciate it as much as I do.”

_As much as I do_.

Josh rolls his eyes and grabs the pants he’d discarded before heading back towards the bathroom to get dressed.

“Wait,” Buck calls. “Do you have underwear?”

And god he must really be losing it because all he does is smirk, “Nope. Guess I’ll just be going commando.”

The last thing he sees before he closes the door is Buck’s gaping face. “Hey,” Buck says from the other side of the door. “Don’t button your shirt up until Maddie gets here.”

“Excuse me?”

“Button your shirt as you’re walking down the stairs,” Buck says. “It’ll really sell this.”

“Okay,” Josh says. He has a good point, but… “You want me to just hang out in the bathroom until she gets here.”

“I’m sure you can find some way to keep yourself occupied,” Buck says.

Josh knows there’s no way he can mean what he thinks he does. Even with all their moments lately he wasn’t really telling him to… no. No way. He’s just telling him to play games on his phone or something. Which he can easily do. 

He sits on the closed toilet seat, fully dressed with his hair styled the best he could without his usual hair gel. He feels a little ridiculous just sitting here with his shirt open and just hopes Maddie will be here soon.

Which is not something he thought he would be thinking. Especially considering once she gets here it means he and Buck have to really pretend at being a couple. Tonight might just kill him. As if today hasn’t been today a good job of that already.

A knock sounds at the door below and Josh stands up and pocket his phone. He waits a little while longer until Buck calls up to him. “Josh! Maddie and Chim are here!”

“Coming,” Josh calls back. He leaves the bathroom and starts walking down the stairs, keeping his focus on buttoning up his shirt. “Sorry. We were a little wrapped so I’m late.”

“I can see that,” Maddie says. Josh looks up to see her looking between Buck and Josh. “Is that Buck’s shirt?”

“Yeah,” Buck says, leaning back against the counter. “He ran out of clean clothes, but I kind of like him in mine.”

“Kind of?” Chimney asks.

Buck laughs, “Okay, I like it a lot.” He pushes off the counter and steps up to Josh. His fingers fasten another row of buttons and he leaves his hands there as he leans in and kisses his cheek. “Definitely his color.”

Chimney whistles, “Damn. Are you sure you two don’t want to be alone?”

“We’ve been alone,” Buck says. He steps back and moves to the counter where Maddie and Chimney have left the bags of food.

“Yeah but clearly not enough to diffuse that tension,” Chimney says. “You could cut through it with a knife.”

“Oh believe me the tension is plenty relieved,” Buck winks.

“I don’t need to know that,” Maddie says, wrinkling her nose. 

“Aww but I thought you were happy for us,” Buck says, hanging her a container.

“I am,” Maddie says. “Doesn’t mean I need to know about how active your sex life is.”

“It’s definitely active,” Buck says. “Isn’t that right, babe?”

Josh rolls his eyes and steps up next to him. He takes one of the containers Buck hands him and sets it aside with the others. “Yes, but whatever happened to not kissing and telling?”

Josh knows that’s what the point in all of this is. To talk up their relationship and give just enough details for Maddie and Chimney to believe them. But he still can’t help teasing Buck.

“Maybe I just want everyone to know how lucky I am to have a man like you,” Buck says.

Josh smiles and kisses his cheek, “I’m the lucky one.”

“God you two are really doing this,” Maddie says.

“What?” Buck asks.

“Dating.” Maddie gestures between them. “I wasn’t sure if you were just messing with me at first, even though it’s been obvious how you felt. But seeing you together like this…” She wipes at her eyes and Josh frowns. “I’m just so happy.”

Josh is hit with a sudden wave of guilt. She believes them. She’s happy for them. And here they are lying to her. Josh doesn’t know if he can do this. Maddie is his best friend and…

Buck squeezes his hand and leans in close, “Keep your cool.”

“But…”

“We can do this,” Buck tells him.

Josh nods and does his best to smile, “Trust me, not as happy as we are for you two. Expecting parents and newly engaged. You two could not be more perfect for each other.”

“He’s right, Maddie. You two got this whole relationship thing down.”

“Oh stop,” Maddie says, waving them off.

“It’s true,” Buck presses. “I’m happy you’ve found someone that makes you happy. Both of you.”

Maddie takes his face in her hands and smiles, “And I’m happy you have to. You really do seem happy.”

Buck looks his way and smiles, “I am.”

Dinner’s easy. They all just talk and laugh, and mostly keep to safe topics like work or the upcoming wedding. It’s coming up fast. Maddie has insisted on being married before the baby gets here, which means a lot of quick planning.

Buck has tried to help, but after a few horrible theme suggestions Maddie had basically told him he was not to be involved in the planning in any way whatsoever. He was simply to show up at the church and fill his role as Chimney’s best man. While Josh is Maddie’s Man of Honor.

“It’s going to be so cute watching you two walk down the aisle together,” Maddie says. “Ugh we could not have planned this more perfectly.”

“You didn’t know Josh and I were going to be dating when you asked us to be in the wedding,” Buck points out.

“No, but I might have been hoping something happened _at_ the wedding,” she smirks. 

“Oh it still could,” Buck winks.

“I swear if you two sneak off to have sex…”

“I would never,” Buck says, putting a hand to his heart.

Maddie doesn’t look impressed, “You would, and we all know it. And you’d drag poor Josh into it.”

“Well yeah, he is my boyfriend,” Buck says. “I’m not going to be having sex with anyone else.”

Small mercies, Josh supposes. He doesn’t have to deal with watching Buck dance with and woo anyone else that night. 

“How long is this going to go on?” Josh asks later. He hates that he has to, but he needs to know. He needs time to prepare himself for this to end. Because it will end. That’s always been the plan. It’s inevitable. 

Buck’s hand stills where it’s rubbing down his back before resuming its motion. “After the wedding,” Buck says. “I guess.”

“One last hoorah,” Josh says.

“Yeah.”

He doesn’t sound happy about it. Josh doesn’t let himself think about why. That way will lead to hope, and Josh can’t let himself have hope. 

“You know, for the record, you have been the best boyfriend I’ve ever had,” Buck says.

Josh laughs, “So have you.”

“We really have been dating the wrong people, huh?”

“Seems like it,” Josh sighs. He can’t bring himself to look at Buck. He can’t bear to see his face right now. “I know the perfect person is out there for you Buck. You’ll find them.”

“What if I already have?” Buck whispers.

Josh closes his eyes. He’s not talking about him. He’s talking in the big grand scope of things. “When the time is right, it’ll all fall into place.”

“You really believe that?” Buck asks.

Josh takes a deep breath and nods, “Yeah. I kind of have to. Otherwise, what’s the point in all this?”

“But what if you spend your whole life waiting for something to happen and the one that you’re meant to be with has been there the whole time and you just never realized it?” Buck asks.

“I don’t know,” Josh says. “I don’t know.”

* * *

Days seem to pass quickly after that. They fall into a routine, of sorts. Josh works, and when he’s not working he’s spending time with Buck. They spend so much time together that they make it through Doctor Who in a few short months. 

By the end of it, Buck is obsessed. He has a TARDIS phone case, the TARDIS is his alarm, which definitely serves to jolt them both awake in the morning. Buck’s even started collecting memorabilia. On top of that, he’s been getting into other British TV. Most recently Merlin, which left him sobbing and cursing the TV by the end. It had been a hard night. Josh had held Buck as he sobbed against his chest, talking about how unfair it all was. 

He’s mostly been fine since, though Josh has noticed him spending more time on his laptop than usual and has caught a glimpse of the name Archive of Our Own on his screen. Which Josh knows is a popular fanfiction sight. He lets it go. Josh frequented the site himself after he first finished Merlin and needed something to help ease the pain. So what Buck is doing there is his business, even if he is immensely curious. 

“You know what I think we should do,” Buck says one day. 

“What’s that?”

“We need to go to a convention!” Buck says, excitedly. “And we can even cosplay!”

“Oh yeah?” Josh asks. “Who are you going to be?”

“King Arthur, of course,” Buck says. “And you’d be my Merlin.”

“Is that right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“You would be a perfect Arthur,” Josh says.

“Because I’m blonde?”

Josh laughs, “No. Because you’re brave and strong and loyal just like he is.”

“You really think so?” Buck asks.

“Of course,” Josh says. “You show that every day, on the job and off it.”

“I didn’t know you thought so highly of me,” Buck teases.

“Of course I do. You’re the best man I know,” Josh says, and he means it. “Just don’t let it go to your head.”

They’ve been spending so much time together, that Josh sees the hug coming. Buck’s a tactile person. He’s always showering Josh in hugs and small touches. It’s their normal by now. And Josh can never help but to melt into them. 

“You’re the best guy I know too,” Buck tells him.

“High praise coming from a king,” Josh teases.

“I mean it,” Buck says, his face serious as he pulls back to look at him. “I’m glad I know you.”

“I’m glad I know you.”

Buck sighs and leans his head against Josh’s, “I don’t want this to end.”

Josh knows what he means. He doesn’t want it to end either. These past few months have been some of the best of Josh’s life. Josh doesn’t know what he’ll do with himself when this is all over. When he eventually has to go back to his own apartment for more than just a change of clothes and to make sure everything is still in order. Most of his time is spent in Buck’s place these days. So much that Maddie has asked him if he’s finally moved in. And sometimes it feels like he has. He has his own key and just lets himself in now, whether Buck is there or not. He’s gotten in pretty deep. And it’s a little scary to think of this suddenly just ending. But it has to. Because as much as he’s liked all the time they’ve been spending together, the relationship isn’t real. No matter how much he wishes it was.

“I don’t want it to either,” Josh says.

“It doesn’t have to,” Buck tells him.

“We can’t fake date forever,” Josh laughs.

“No, but just because we’re no longer fake dating, doesn’t mean you have to stop being here,” Buck tells him. “I like having you here.”

“I like being here,” Josh admits.

“So stay,” Buck says.

Josh tightens his arms around Buck and rests his head on his chest, mostly to hide his face. “I will. As long as you want me here.”

“Hmm don’t say that,” Buck says. “I might keep you forever.”

“I might let you.”

* * *

The day of the wedding arrives quickly after that. It’s a sea of planning and fittings and rehearsals and rehearsal dinners all leading up to the big day. Buck and Josh arrive at the church together, as it only makes sense to do. Josh’s tux is in a garment bag on his arm, as is Buck’s. Neither one wanted them to wrinkle on the drive over. Maddie would have their heads.

“I suppose I should check in on Maddie,” Josh says. 

“Maybe get changed first,” Buck says. “So she doesn’t think you’re bailing.”

“She wouldn’t think that,” Josh says. When Buck raises an eyebrow, he sighs. “Okay maybe she would.”

“There are rooms set up down the hall to change in,” Bobby tells them. 

“And Maddie has been asking for you,” Athena tells Josh. “So I’d get ready and get to it.”

“How’s she been?” Buck asks.

“Good,” Athena says. “I think she’s just ready to get things started.”

“I should go then,” Josh says. He turns to Buck. “I’ll see you soon.”

Buck smiles and kisses his cheek, “I’ll be the one in the tux.”

“The most handsome one in a tux, you mean,” Josh says.

Buck laughs and shoves him lightly, “Get out of here.”

“Oh you need to get ready too,” Athena tells him. “Don’t think you’re getting out of this.”

Josh walks down the hall, looking for an empty room. Most of them seem to be full. A door opens at the end of the hall and Eddie steps out. “I’m done in here if you need a room.”

“Perfect,” Josh says. “Thanks.”

“I’m assuming Buck’s somewhere around here too,” Eddie guesses.

“I left him in the front,” Josh says. “Getting chastised by Athena about getting ready.”

Eddie laughs and slaps his back, “I guess I should go save him then.”

“He’d probably appreciate it,” Josh agrees.

Josh stands there for a moment, watching as Eddie walks down the hall just as Buck runs into view. They almost crash into each other, and both laugh as Eddie reaches out to keep Buck steady. Josh feels his stomach drop at the undeniable affection on Eddie’s face as he smooths Buck’s shirt down. 

He turns away when he hears a throat clear nearby. Hen is standing next to one of the other rooms. “You know they’re just friends, right?”

“Of course,” Josh says. “It’s not like Buck would be…. Since you’re…”

Hen raises an eyebrow, “So you say. But the funny thing is, as close and affectionate as you two are, no one has ever seen you two kiss.”

And that’s true. They’ve been careful about that. Maybe too careful. “We’re just not into PDA.”

“Honey you two are all over each other in every other way,” Hen says. “I don’t know what’s going on. It’s not my business. I just hope you’re both being careful. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt.”

Josh swallows and nods. She looks far too understanding and Josh isn’t sure what to do with that.

“Hen!” Buck yells, walking down the hall towards them. “What are you doing, stalling my boyfriend? Don’t you know he has important man of honor duties to get to?”

“Just like you have important best man duties and yet you were too busy talking to Eddie,” Hen says.

“Are you insinuating I’m not doing my duties?” Buck asks.

“I was just stating the obvious Buckaroo,” Hen says.

“Just go get changed,” Josh tells him. “Before we really do start running behind.”

“My room is clear if you need to use it,” Hen says. She smirks. “Unless you two are just going to change together. Which why wouldn’t you? You _are_ dating.”

“Right, yeah of course,” Buck says. “We’ll definitely get changed.”

He grabs Josh’s arm and pulls him into the room and quickly shuts the door behind them. “That was close.”

“I think she’s onto us,” Josh says. 

“What do you mean?” Buck asks. He sets his garment bag down and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Josh turns away and starts working on his own clothes. A mistake, because now he’s facing the mirror and still has a view of buck undressing. “Josh?”

Josh clears his throat and looks away from the mirror. “She made a comment about us never kissing.”

“Shit,” Buck mutters. “Did you tell her the PDA thing?”

“I did, and she said we’re plenty comfortable with PDA in other ways,” Josh says. “Which is true.”

“What are we going to do?” Buck asks him.

“Nothing,” Josh says. He pulls his jeans off and quickly reaches for his suit pants. “We agreed this was over after the wedding right?”

Josh hates saying it. As happy as he is for Maddie and Chimney he’s kind of been dreading today. Because after tonight this all ends. They’ll tell their friends they’ve had an amicable split and decided they were better off as friends. Things will go back to normal. But Josh really doesn’t see how that’s supposed to happen. Not when he’s in this deeper than he really should be. When his feelings for Buck have only grown stronger in the time they’ve spent together.

“Right,” Buck says. “So we just make it through tonight and we’ll be good. We’ll fake break up and things will be normal again.”

“Great,” Josh says. 

“Yeah. Great.”

They finish getting dressed in silence. Josh isn’t sure if it’s just him being in his head about all of this but there’s an added tension in the room. He looks at Buck in the mirror as he’s finishing up his tie to see him struggling with his. 

Josh smiles and steps across the room towards him. He pats Buck’s hands out of the way and starts working on fixing the mess he made of his tie. “Let me.”

“I’m hopeless at this,” Buck mumbles.

“Not everyone knows how to tie a tie, Buck,” Josh tells him.

“You do,” Buck points out.

“My dad taught me when I was young,” Josh shrugs.

“My dad never taught me,” Buck says softly. 

Josh isn’t sure what the whole story is there. He just knows Buck isn’t particularly close to his parents. Neither one of them are going to be here today either. But neither of the Buckley’s seem upset about that. Maddie had just put their returned invitation aside when she’d received their no and said they didn’t need them there anyway. And that had been that.

“I can teach you one day,” Josh offers.

Buck’s eyes lift to meet his and he smiles, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Josh says. “Whenever you want.”

It’ll be a good excuse to keep seeing him. He knows. One he’ll gladly take.

“It could be a long process,” Buck says, swaying closer.

“Well I will have plenty of time on my hands,” Josh says.

Buck’s smile softens as he watches him. His face contemplative. Josh isn’t sure what he’s thinking. A knock sounds at the door and it starts to open. Josh lets out a startled noise when Buck leans in and kisses him. Josh’s hand fists his tie on instinct as he pulls him closer and kisses him back. Buck smiles against his lips, and behind them, someone clears their throat. 

Buck pulls back, looking about as dazed as Josh feels. Josh releases his tie and works on straightening it as Buck turns his head to look at their guest. “Eddie.”

“Uhh Maddie sent me to fetch Josh,” Eddie says. “But I can tell her you’re busy…”

“It’s okay,” Buck says. “Josh was just helping me with my tie.”

Eddie snorts, “If that’s what you want to call it.”

Josh feels his face heat up, and he rests his head on Buck’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m allowed to kiss my boyfriend anytime I want.”

“Of course you are,” Josh says. He raises his head and smiles, leaning in for a softer kiss. “But not right now,” he murmurs. “If I stay away any longer, Maddie will kill me.”

“We can’t have that,” Buck says. 

They pull back, and it takes everything in Josh to walk out of the room. He has to stop outside Maddie’s room and collect himself. Even as his mind is screaming at him. Buck kissed him. Buck actually fucking kissed him. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with that. Though he does know one thing for certain: he’s totally screwed.

He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders before knocking. It opens a moment later to reveal Sue. “There you are,” she says, ushering him in. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

“Sorry,” Josh says. “I got accosted.”

“By my brother, no doubt,” Maddie says, smiling at him through the mirror. “And I can’t say I blame him. You look out in that tux.”

“Oh stop,” Josh says.

“I’m serious,” Maddie says.

“Yeah someone is definitely getting lucky tonight,” Karen says.

Maddie wrinkles her nose, “True probably, but still not an image I want.”

Josh laughs and walks up to her. He leans across the back of her chair and meets her eyes in the mirror. “You look beautiful.”

She pats his cheek with a smile, “Thank you. I feel like a whale, but that’s nice of you to say.”

“Really Maddie, you look gorgeous,” Josh says. “Chimney is going to be speechless.”

“Hopefully not too speechless,” Maddie says. “I need him to be able to say I do.”

“Oh honey it’s all going to go great,” Sue says. “The boys have everything in order right?” 

“As far as I know,” Josh says. “Buck and Eddie are dressed at least.”

“Please tell me someone helped Buck with his tie,” Maddie says. “He’s hopeless.”

“I took care of it,” Josh says. “Everything is going to be perfect. Don’t worry.”

She nods and takes a deep breath before turning around. “Good. Because I’m ready. How much longer?”

“A few minutes,” Hen says. “I’ll go make sure Chimney’s at the altar and then we can line up.”

She returns a minute later and sticks her head in, “We’re good. Let’s go.”

They leave the room and walk down the hall to where the groomsmen are waiting. Josh spots Buck across the room talking to Eddie and Bobby and smiles. Eddie leans in and says something to Buck that has Buck ducking his head and smiling, and Josh makes himself look away.

“Oh no,” Maddie says, grabbing his arm. “What’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing’s wrong,” Josh tells her.

“You’re frowning,” Maddie says. “Something’s wrong.”

Josh puts his hands on her shoulders and meets her eyes, “It’s nothing. You just focus on walking down that aisle and getting married. Okay?”

“Only if you promise me everything’s okay,” she says.

“I promise,” he says. “Now come on. We need to get lined up.”

“Go wrangle that brother of mine,” Maddie says. “There’s no telling what trouble he’s going to get up to.”

“He’s right there,” Josh laughs. “He can’t get into that much trouble.”

“Oh I wouldn’t underestimate him,” Maddie says. “You have your hands full with that one, though I’m sure you know that.”

Josh shakes his head, “Buck’s amazing, Maddie. The best guy I know.”

Maddie’s face softens, “You really love him, huh?”

Josh’s eyes widen, “What? I…”

Maddie laughs, “Relax. It’s not obvious. Well _too_ obvious. But you’re my best friend. I know you. And I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at my brother.”

And there it is. The three terrifying words that Josh has been pushing out of his mind. That he’s been afraid to even think because that would make his feelings that much more real, and his pending heartbreak even more painful.

“You’re looking sad again,” Maddie pouts. “What is going on?”

Josh laughs and wipes at his eyes, “Nothing. Weddings. Love. It all makes me emotional.”

Maddie pulls him in for a hug, “He loves you too, you know?” She pulls back with a smile and pats his cheek. “No go get him. It’s time for me to get married.”

Josh leaves her and walks to his spot in line. His hands are shaking at his sides as he tries to calm himself. Maddie has to be wrong. Buck doesn’t love him. Not like that at least. Not in the all-encompassing way Josh loves him. He really was a fool to think he could do this and not get his heart stomped on in the process. But after today it will all be over. 

Buck will be free and at least have Maddie off his back for a while. He’ll be able to find someone else. Someone he actually wants to date.

“Hey,” Buck says, stepping up next to him. Josh can feel him looking, but he can’t meet his gaze. He’s afraid if he does, he might just break. “You okay?”

“Great,” Josh says, relieved that his voice at least stays steady. “Ready to get in there.”

“Yeah me too,” Buck says. “And I know Maddie probably is.”

“Oh she is,” Josh laughs. “She all but demanded I come line up.”

“I heard that,” Maddie says from her place behind them. 

“I figure you would.”

“Just try not to trip on your way down the aisle,” Maddie teases.

“Don’t worry,” Buck says. “I won’t let you fall.”

The problem is, Buck has already been falling, harder and harder each day. And he can’t seem to stop. 

Josh feels Buck’s hand slip into his own before squeezing. Josh returns the gesture, and has to fight a smile when Buck starts playing with his fingers.

“Oh my god,” Maddie groans. “We need to get this show on the road, because I can’t take you two being adorable even holding hands.”

As if on cue, the music starts. Athena and Bobby are the first to walk in, followed by Karen and Albert. Hen and Eddie follow behind them, leaving Buck and Josh standing at the door, waiting their turn. The aisle suddenly feels so much longer now, and he’s aware of all the eyes that are going to be on them. Buck drops his hand and slips his arm through Josh’s as their turn gets closer. 

“Just focus on me,” Buck tells him.

Josh nods and takes a deep breath, and then they start to walk. It takes everything in his to keep his gaze focused ahead and not down at his feet. Every so often he glances at Buck to see him grinning and waving at people in attendance. 

When they reach the altar, Buck leans in and kisses his cheek. “I’ll see after.”

He winks and walks to his spot next to Eddie while Josh takes his spot on the other side next to Hen.

“You two really are adorable,” Hen whispers. 

The music changes, and the door opens again, this time revealing Maddie. Sue is with her, smiling proudly as they step into the room. It had been a little bit of a surprise at first when Maddie had asked Sue to walk her down the aisle, but now it makes sense. She’s been someone Maddie could depend on since she moved to LA, and with her parents not coming and Buck already Chimney’s best man, it just made sense that she would pick Sue. And honor Sue has not taken lightly.

Maddie looks beautiful as she walks down the aisle, her smile wide and blinding. Her eyes are only focused on Chimney, and he can’t look away either. He wipes at his eyes and Buck pats his back and whispers something Josh doesn’t catch, but it has Chimney laughing. And then Maddie is there, walking up the stairs towards him. She takes Chimney’s hands and he leads her the rest of the way up the altar. They turn to face each other, wearing matching smiles.

Josh can’t help it if he cries throughout the ceremony. It’s lovely. And he’d meant what he said about weddings making him emotional. Especially when it’s for two people as in love as Maddie and Chimney. At one point his gaze drifts to Buck, to find him already looking back. He’s crying himself, which isn’t surprising. 

And then suddenly the preacher is announcing them husband and wife, and they’re kissing. The church erupts into a symphony of cheers and applause. Chimney leads Maddie back down the aisle as people cheer them on. Josh meets Buck in the middle of the altar, just like they rehearsed, and they link arms again, following Maddie and Chimney out of the room. 

They all line up as people leave the church, offering their congratulations to the happy couple. This seems to take forever, at least in Josh’s opinion. He can tell Buck is in agreement from the way he fidgets next to him.

“Relax” he whispers.

“I can’t,” Buck mutters. “How much longer is this going to take?”

“As long as it needs to,” Maddie whispers. “And stop messing with your tie. We still have to take pictures.”

Buck sighs and slumps back against the desk behind him. He puts on a smile when people approach him to say hi and shake his hand. But Josh can tell he hates every minute of it. Finally, after what feels like hours, the last guest is gone, leaving only the wedding party.

“Alright,” Maddie says. “Pictures, and then we head to the reception. And you two,” she directs her gaze at Buck and Josh. “Don’t think about being late.”

“Why are you only addressing us with that?” Buck asks.

“Because I know you two got distracted before the wedding,” she has. “And I need you two to at least be on time arriving. After that, do whatever you want. Except…”

“No hooking up at the wedding,” Buck says.

“He’s your boyfriend so I would hardly call it ‘hooking up’ but yes,” Maddie says. 

They take their pictures, most of them group shots, a few with Maddie and Chimney together, some with them alone. Then some with the groomsmen, and then the bridal party. They’re almost done when Maddie calls out, “I want one with Buck and Josh by themselves!”

Buck groans, “Really Maddie?”

“Yes,” Maddie says. “It’s my wedding day, you can’t deny me.”

Josh laughs and takes Buck’s hand, pulling him to the front of the group. He leans in closer to whisper lowly in his ear. “The sooner we do this, the sooner we get to go to the reception.”

They do some generic photos, and Josh hopes that will be enough, but Maddie shakes her head. “No, come on. Do something cute.”

“Cute?” Buck asks.

“Yes,” Maddie says. “Cute. Couply.”

Josh leans in and kisses Buck’s cheek, listening as the camera flashes a few times. He’s about to pull away, when Buck turns. He takes Josh’s face in his hands, and their eyes meet, and then Buck is leaning in and kisses him. Josh expects it to be a quick press of lips, something chaste to appease Maddie. But then Buck nips at his bottom lip teasingly and Josh gasps. Buck uses his surprise to lick into his mouth, drawing a groan from Josh. 

“Umm I think we’re good guys,” Chimney says. 

They pull back but Buck doesn’t let go just yet. He meets Josh’s eyes and smiles softly, his thumbs caressing his cheeks. If Josh hadn’t been doomed before, he certainly is now. 

“Right, I’m hungry,” Maddie says. “So let’s get over to the reception. And yes that means you two love birds.”

Buck chuckles before pulling back. Josh doesn’t have long to mourn the loss of contact before he’s grabbing his hand and leading him out of the church and to his Jeep.

“So what was that?” Josh asks, once Buck has the jeep started and they’re on the road.

“What was what?” Buck asks.

“You what I’m talking about,” Josh says. “The kissing!”

“Was it bad?” Buck asks, looking a little concerned it was.

“No it was amazing, but that’s not the point,” Josh says.

“You really think it was amazing?” Buck asks, looking far too pleased with himself.

“Not the point,” Josh says.

“Then what is?”

“We’ve been doing this for months and we’ve never kissed,” Josh reminds him. “So why now?”

“Because people were getting suspicious,” Buck says. Josh can tell there’s more to it.

“Seems like it would have been a good way to ease into the breakup,” Josh says.

Buck sighs, “Maybe. But I just…”

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Buck says. “I guess I didn’t like the thought of people doubting our relationship.”

“But we’re not in a relationship,” Josh says. “Not really.”

No matter how much Josh wishes they were.

“So you keep pointing out,” Buck mutters.

Josh frowns, “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” Buck says. 

“For the record,” Josh says. “You really have been the best fake boyfriend I’ve ever had. And the best kisser.”

“Had a lot of fake boyfriends you’ve been kissing?” Buck says, his tone turning lighter. Good. Josh hated the sour shift in his mood.

“Nah, and I wasn’t talking about just fake boyfriends with the kissing.”

Buck glances his way, “Maybe you’ve just been kissing the wrong people.”

“Maybe,” Josh says. He clears his throat, and looks out the window. They’re pulling up at the hall they’re having the reception in thankfully. Not that Josh wants to get away from Buck. Just this conversation. He wants to be able to relax and enjoy these last few hours he has with Buck.

And he does. There’s a lot of dancing and drinking and then more dancing and more drinking. Josh is sure he’s never danced this much in his life, but between Buck and Maddie he can’t even find time to sit down and take a breath. Not that he minds much. He loves dancing with them. It helps keep him distracted. Eventually though he does slip away to get some water. He needs it if he wants to keep his head. He grabs a glass for Buck for good measure. 

He’s not surprised that Buck joins him as soon as Josh sits down and starts sipping on his water. “Why are you not dancing?”

“You’ve been wearing me out,” Josh laughs. “And I needed some water. I got you some.” 

He nods to the other glass and Buck wrinkles his nose. “No water. I want another beer.”

Josh grabs his arm and pulls him into the seat. He pushes the glass towards Buck. “Drink. I know you don’t want it, but you need to. Otherwise you’ll be super hungover tomorrow.”

Buck groans, but does as he’s told. He drinks half the glass before sitting it down. “You could always come take care of me if I am.” He scoots his chair closer and leans against Josh, pressing his face into his neck. “We can just cuddle in bed and not have to move for anything.”

“I’m sure we’d have to move for something,” Josh says.

“Maybe, but then we could get right back in bed and watch Doctor Who like we used to,” Josh says.

“Sounds nice,” Josh says.

Buck smiles against his neck before pressing a kiss there. For a moment, Josh thinks maybe it had been an accident. But then Buck does it again and again. His hand grips his tie as he kisses his way up his neck. “Buck?”

“Shh,” Buck says. “I’m busy.”

“I can see that,” Josh says. “But why are you…?”

His words die in his throat when Buck leans in and kisses him. It’s a little sloppy and off center, and sends alarm bells going off in Josh’s head. No one’s been watching them. This isn’t for anyone’s benefit. And Buck is very drunk. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.

“Come home with me,” Buck mumbles against his lips. “I know we said we’d stop this, but I…” his hands brush down Josh’s chest and back up. “I just need to feel you tonight.”

He kisses Josh again and Josh is quick to pull back. He takes a shuddering breath, “Buck we can’t.”

Buck pouts, “Why not?”

“Because you’re drunk,” Josh says. “You don’t really want this. Want me.”

“But I do,” Buck says. “I’ve always wanted you. And come on, I can tell you want me too.”

Josh stands to his feet suddenly and Buck starts to fall forward. Josh reaches out to steady him before he can topple over. He feels tears stinging at his eyes and tries to will them away. He can’t cry. At least not here. He knows people are probably watching them and he needs to be careful.

“We should go,” Josh says.

A smile splits across Buck’s face. “You’re taking me home?”

Josh nods, “Yeah, Buck. I’m taking you home.”

He doesn’t say that’s it not for the reason Buck was wanting. That’s not a conversation they can have here in front of all these people. Thankfully Maddie and Chimney had left an hour ago so they didn’t have to worry about her curious gaze. 

Josh helps Buck to his feet and wraps an arm around his waist to help keep him standing. It’s not until they get outside that Josh realizes that neither of them should really be driving.

“Need a ride?” 

Josh turns to see Eddie leaning against his truck, his phone in hand. 

“Yessss!” Buck cries. “Josh and I are going home.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow, and Josh sighs. “Someone is a little drunk.”

Eddie chuckles, “Clearly. I kept telling him to take it easy.”

He unlocks his truck and opens the back door. Together, they manage to get Buck into the backseat. He lays down and puts a hand over his head.

Josh fondly shakes his head, “I told him to slow down too, but that clearly didn’t work.”

“We’re celebrating,” Buck says. “Celebrating love!”

Eddie shuts the door and walks around to the driver’s side, while Josh hops into the passenger’s side. Buck falls asleep on the way, his quiet snores filling the air. Eddie looks over at him. “Everything okay with you two?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Josh asks.

“I don’t know,” Eddie says. “I just saw some tension back there, and not the usual kind with you two.”

Josh sighs and runs a hand down his face, “I might be in over my head.”

Eddie frowns, “With Buck?”

“Yes,” Josh says. When Eddie’s frown deepens, he hurries to add. “But not in the way you're thinking. Buck’s amazing. He’d make the perfect boyfriend.”

“He _would_ ,” Eddie says. “Don’t you mean he _is_?”

Josh looks into the backseat where Buck is sound asleep. He knows they agreed not to tell anyone, but Eddie Buck’s best friend. And if there’s anyone that could keep this quiet, it’s him.

“We’re not really dating,” Josh says.

“What? But you two have been all over each other for months and practically live together.”

“Yeah I know,” Josh says. “That’s because we wanted everyone to think we were dating.”

“Why?”

“Buck wanted Maddie off his back about dating,” Josh says. “So he came to me with this crazy idea to pretend to date so she’d leave him alone. So that’s what we’ve been doing the past few months.”

“Huh.”

“Huh?” Josh questions. “I tell you that I’m fake dating your best friend and all you have to say is _huh_?”

Eddie shrugs, “Honestly? It hasn’t looked fake to me. Like I know there are some things you can fake, but man. The way you two look at each other, especially when you don’t think anyone is looking, that can’t be faked.”

Josh is silent. His thoughts drift to the last few months and how he thought he’d been so careful about keeping his feelings hidden. Apparently not. Apparently they’ve been written all over his face.

“So when you said you’re in over your head…” Eddie prompts.

“I meant that I went and did something stupid,” Josh says. 

“You fell in love with him,” Eddie says.

Josh nods, “Yeah. And now it’s over. Tonight was the last night we’re doing this. Tomorrow we’ll tell everyone we broke up and carry on with our lives.”

“But that’s not what you want,” Eddie guesses.

“No,” Josh says. “It’s not. But I don’t know how to tell him that without admitting that I… how I feel.”

“You could just tell him,” Eddie suggests.

He parks the truck, and Josh realizes that they’ve reached Buck’s apartment. “I can’t,” Josh whispers.

“Why not?” Eddie asks. “Josh you have to see that…”

A groan from the backseat has them both turning. Buck’s there, rubbing at his eyes. “Where am I?” he mumbles.

“In my truck,” Eddie tells him.

“Why am I in your truck?”

“Because I drove you and Josh home,” Eddie says.

Buck sits up suddenly, his head whipping around to face them. His eyes land on Josh and he grins. “You’re still here.”

“I am,” Josh says.

“Good,” Buck says. “I like when you’re here.”

“Let’s get you inside,” Josh says.

He unbuckles his seatbelt and hops out of the truck. He gets to Buck’s door just in time to catch him as he starts to fall out of the truck. Buck grins up at him from where he’s sprawled in his arms. “I knew you’d catch me if I fell.”

Eddie snorts, “You two good?”

Josh nods, “Yeah, we’re good. Thanks for the ride.”

He helps Buck stand and he starts stumbling towards the door, fumbling in his suit pockets, probably searching for his keys. Josh waves at Eddie as he drives off, and moves to join Buck by the door. Eventually they get it open and make their way towards the elevator. Buck presses against his side and rests his head on Josh’s arm as they wait. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Josh tells himself he’s just going to help Buck inside and into bed and then he’s going to leave. It’s the safe thing to do. It’ll be easier if he’s not here in the morning. For both of them. He knows he said he’d still be around, but knowing just how deep his feelings are, he needs time. Time for his heart to get a grip and him to get used to the fact that as much as he loves him, Buck will never be his.

Luckily, Buck falls asleep almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. Josh tucks in him and hesitates before leaning down and kissing the top of his head. He stands by the stairs for a moment, just letting himself take in the image. Capture it and engrave it into his brain. And then he walks down the stairs and out the door with heavy steps and a heavier heart. 

* * *

Days pass slowly after that. Luckily he works most of them so he doesn’t have to miss Buck too much. And Maddie’s on her honeymoon so she’s not there to question him. He doesn’t think he’d be able to take it. She’s still texted him a few times to check in and ask if he’s okay. He’s assured her that he is. It’s a lie, mostly. He’s fine at work where he can focus, but once he’s home to his empty apartment, it’s harder. 

He hasn’t really slept here in months. It feels strange to him now. As if this place isn’t really his, even though his things surround him. He knows what’s missing. He feels his loss like a gaping hole in his heart, but he makes himself keep his distance. He needs this. If he ever wants to be able to get over Buck then he needs to give himself time.

Buck doesn’t make it easy though. He texts him a few times a day. Sometimes with memes. Other times just saying he misses him. A few times he asks him to come over. Josh always makes some excuse. He’s busy. He’s tired. Some other time. 

He even gets a text from Eddie one day saying, “For the love of God please just talk to him.”

Josh isn’t sure what talking to Buck is going to do. It’s not as if this situation will suddenly change. Or so he thinks.

It's on the eighth day since the wedding, and on his day off, that there’s a knock on his door. Josh frowns as he gets to his feet and moves to answer it. He’s not expecting anyone so he has no idea who it could be. But then he opens it and Buck is there. Josh gets a sense of deja vu seeing him standing there like he had so many months before. When he barged into Josh’s apartment and turned their worlds upside down. 

He looks different than he did then. Less frantic, more tired and unsure. His hands are shoved in his pockets as he looks up at Josh. “Hey. Can I come in?”

Josh knows he could never deny Buck. Sure, his heart is beating hard in his chest just at seeing him standing at his door. But he’s missed him. So much. “Sure.”

He steps back and lets Buck inside. They walk into the living room, but neither sits. Buck keeps shooting him nervous glances and biting his lip. And Josh can’t help but wonder just what is going on here.

“Is something wrong?” Josh asks.

“Yeah,” Buck says. “Yeah there is.”

Josh is immediately filled with worry. “What is it? What’s happened?”

“Nothing,” Buck says. “And that’s the problem. Because there’s nothing happening.”

“Nothing happening is a bad thing?” Josh questions. He knows it is. His days off have been filled with nothing this past week and it’s been enough to almost drive him crazy.

“Yes,” Buck says. “Because my days are nothing without you.”

“Buck…”

“No wait,” Buck says. “Just listen. Please.”

Josh nods, “Okay.”

"I can't stop thinking about you," Buck says. "And I know I should. This whole thing was supposed to be temporary. It wasn't real. But I… god you're on my mind all the time. Josh. And I haven’t been sleeping. Not like I did when you were there. I didn't realize how much of my days revolved around you until you weren't there. Now it's like there's this big hole where you should be."

"I'm still here," Josh tells him. Regret eats away at him. He hadn't realized how much him pulling away would hurt Buck. At the time it had been to protect himself. "We can be friends."

"But we can't." Buck's voice is bordering on hysterical now. "I can't just be your friend."

Josh's heart pounds in his chest as the meaning of Buck's words wash over him. Hope springs to life inside him as he takes a step closer. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I love you."

_I love you_.

“What?” Josh whispers, unsure if he heard him right.

“I _love_ you,” Buck says. “I’m in love with you.”

Josh closes the space between them and takes Buck's face in his hands. The hope in his chest spilling over to happiness. "I love you too."

“You do?” Buck whispers, eyes wide and hopeful. 

Josh just has to kiss him. He pours all the months of longing and pent up emotions he’s been feeling into it. And Buck, god Buck, he kisses him back with just as much passion. It’s boarding on desperate, and has Josh’s head swimming. It’s nothing like the few kisses they shared at the wedding. This is real and raw and honest. Josh never wants it to stop, but the need for air makes itself known and he has to pull back. He pants against Buck’s lips and rests his head against Buck’s

“I do,” he murmurs. “I love you, Evan.”

Buck’s answering smile is blinding, “Good. Because after that kiss, I don’t think I can ever let you go.”

Josh chuckles and kisses him, soft and sweet. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He knows those are words Buck needs to hear. Probably more than once. But Josh will always be there to tell him. To assure him that he loves him and he’s here to stay. 

“I’m glad,” Buck says. “Because you’re my favorite place.”

Josh smiles and rests their heads together, “You’re mine too.”

“So I was thinking,” Buck says.

“Of?”

“Well you know, when we were fake dating you always stayed at my place,” Buck says. “So I figured since we’re really dating now that you could do that too.”

“Are you asking me to move in?” Josh questions.

Buck shrugs, “Yeah. If you want to.”

Josh grins and kisses him again. Because he can. Because this is real. “Of course I want to. This place hasn’t felt like home since I’ve been back here. I realized that yours sort of has become my home. Because you’re there.”

“You’re my home too,” Buck murmurs.

A few weeks later, Josh moves the rest of his boxes into Buck’s apartment. Most of the furniture had come with his apartment, so he doesn’t have much to take with him. Buck wraps an arm around him and pulls him closer, and Josh smiles, leaning into him. He looks around the apartment, taking in all their things mixed together, a little bit of both of them, and he knows this is where he belongs. Here, with Buck. There’s no place he’d rather be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> You can find me [here on tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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